And to that effect….

yesterday, I was outside the shop flattening boxes with a box cutter, and there was this older man with a boy who seemed to be his grandson. The man turns to the boy and laughs, “never let a woman hold the knife, son. It’s dangerous for everyone.” This little old lady laughed and went, “what he means, dear, is that you’d better just be a man and hold it yourself, instead of adding it to all the other things you expect women to do…” lmao. I love my job.

So, God,

This morning it randomly occurred to me that there is nothing quite so repulsive as a passive man. Have you already made any comments to that effect? I think I need to stock up on about a thousand copies of “Wild At Heart,” because most of the men I associate with, I’m afraid, have lost their warrior spirit, which is rather disheartening for this warrior princess [insert sad face here].

So, God, you said….

“See a man skilled in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.” (Proverbs 22:29) I want that. I want to stand before kings. I am so sick of standing before men. Please don’t let me have wasted the last 20 years of my life standing before obscure men….

God, tonight….

I’m so tired, I could die.

Desperation

“Desperation is sometimes as powerful an inspirer as genius.”
-Benjamin Disraeli (1804-1881)
(First Earl of Beaconsfield) English politician

God,

my heart really needs gymnastics. I don’t know if I want to live without it.

So, God, funny story….

so… he’s a really good guy. he’s a sweet guy. we kind of think in the same ballpark. we don’t always agree or think alike, even, but we usually know how the other person is thinking. we agree on most of the important things in life. we’re generally “gazing in the same direction.” we kind of balance each other out. he sees everything in me that i never see in myself and always wish were there. apparently i do the same for him, which, for me is pretty cool. apparently, to him, i’m the woman I’VE always wanted to be, which is basically the most amazing news of my life thus far. i guess the whole physical thing is weird, since he’s not the sort of guy i’d generally go for, but i guess in the grand scheme of things, that’s really not so important is it? i feel a bit guilty, because i know he thinks i’m relatively attractive (and then some), but at the same time, i’m not really worried about it. i like him, and frankly, i don’t give a damn. i hope i don’t wreck this. i’m rather sick of wrecking my life, and i’d like this to go well. he’s the sort of person i could be friends with forever, and as unromantic as that sounds, that’s what i want. i don’t really need someone i’m head-over-heels for, or enamored with or whatever. granted, i think the world of him, because he’s an absolute doll 24-7, and i can count on him for the world. i can’t wait to see how great of friends we can be, though. to me, that’s the exciting part. and the fun thing is, we already are. seriously, my phone bill is going to be through the roof (and for what? 2am discussions on “getting skinny” and the woes of modern baseball, and why i need a top more than i need to breathe my next breath). this could be good. i mean, what kind of random individual really GETS that music seriously moves my soul, and that if someone made a show about my life, the soundtrack would inevitably be colossal??? like i said, i’m pretty excited.

you know, God, now that i think about it, you probably already knew that story, but you’re just cool like that…. = )

<3 ME!

So, anyway, God….

this weekend, was, um…. interesting…. = )

God, why is life complicated?

I wish I were naive, innocent and oblivious again. I miss not knowing and not caring. Now I know, I have to know, and I have to care. *sigh* I wish life were less busy, less expensive, less painful, less dramatic…. just… less. I wish I could let go of things, I wish I could hold onto other things… geez. I wish a lot, hmm? Oh well….

<3 ME!

This would be the end….

No mas. CBU is done. I feel like doing handstands and cartwheels… = )