God,

Why did you make men? They’re the worst of everything in the world, really.

Regina Spektor

Fidelity lyrics

(Shake it up)

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart

I don’t know if I should be thrilled or insulted….

…but thanks, God, for reminding me why I DON’T want to date him. But really, I hate it when people bail on me. Like, seriously, it’s one of the most irritating things in the world. I HATE it. I feel like socking him in the face and screaming, “could you do what you freaking say you’re going to do, for once in your damned life!?!?!?!” Like, no joke. I need a better life.

God,

as previously mentioned (I may not have been clear before), I REALLY want a good, Christian guy. I don’t say boyfriend, because I REALLY don’t want a boyfriend. But I REALLY want to get married, and suppose you need the one to get the other. So, that being said, I’m REALLY holding my breath for this….

So, um, God….

I want this… like, LAST YEAR. *sigh* I’m not quitting. Period.

Well, God,

I guess I can thank stupid Brad for one thing; now I’m super-motivated, and I THINK I know what I’m going to do. We’ll see. I’m going top-hunting, God. And frankly, I’d appreciate if, maybe, you could go with. I’m gonna need it….

God?

What was the point of talking to Brad Noblitt? Now I’m just HYPER-aware of all the amazing things my life DOESN’T include. And now I want those things more than ever… *sigh*

You know, God….

not having a top? Really frustrating. Not knowing what to do with my life? Beyond frustrating. I, personally feel like screaming. I don’t understand why my life is in shambles, but it is. It definitely is. Apparently, I’m just not cool enough to have a life-in-order. I know; “breathe.” But I can’t! I need direction. I don’t like not knowing what I’m doing… gah. I want a life-map. I want a “to-do” list. I want a bloody tour guide!!!! Really, God. If you’ve got ANY ideas, now would be perfect opportunity to drop one of those out of heaven… THANKS.

<3 ME

I’m at the church office.

and God, guess what? I think I want to be the “office assistant” or whatever. Basically, I want to work here. Houston, we’ve found the “day job.”

Hi God.

You know what occurred to me today? I like Pink. As in the singer? I know YOU probably aren’t too thrilled with her, but she’s got a certain amount of intensity, and desperation, and wholeness…. eck. it’s hard to describe. But yah. She makes her voice color your world. Idk. Do you get that at all? Like, even if she’s not really singing about what your feeling, you can feel in her voice that she’s feeling the same feeling as you are…. Eh. Weirdness.